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The Scooby Gang, minus Scooby herself, is
reassembled. Oz is not seated at a chair at the
table but is seated ON another table, away from the
Giles: So, if the curse was reapplied, as we think
it actually might have been, then we have sent this
poor creature with a soul to hell where he will
Oz: Well, won't the fact that he's so incompatible
with hell cause him to be vomited out of there, like a
cat coughing up a hairball?
Giles: Well, and we're just speculating here, we
don't know anyone that's been to hell and back . . .
Xander: Audie Murphy.
Giles: I'm sorry, who?
Willow: Forget it, Giles. Another contemporary
cultural reference. (She is irritated.) Xander,
please control your urges to wisecrack for a
moment and concentrate on the problem at hand. I
feel responsible for sending a good person . . . (She
looks confused.) a good thing? (She recovers
her resolve.) well, anyway, he's good and we sent him to hell and
I'm not enjoying this feeling. (She nods to
Giles: I have the sense, from all I've read, that if
Angel arrived on the outskirts of hell--on the
perimeter somewhere--Oz, pehaps what you suggest--the
hairball--would be possible. But, on the other hand,
at the spot in hell where, I understand, the effluent
of the Acathla vortex is located--where Buffy
probably sent Angel--it is deep in the nether-center,
and hell is such a huge region that he would probably
end up encapsulated in some fashion. Do you see what
Xander: Okay, ON TOPIC. 1) We don't know for
certain he was re-souled, and 2) He can make his own
way out of hell--he's part demon, isn't he? and 3) I
don't care if he rots in hell. He has killed a lot
of people that we know and turned traitor once;
what's to say he won't backslide again and kill all of us this time?
Giles: Look, Xander, I know you have issues with
Angel--I have issues with Angelus--J-Jenny--but trust
me, I have enough experience in these matters to be
able to separate the two personages, and I will try
to save Angel if I can. Saving a good soul is always
worth our best efforts. And, Xander, how quickly you
forget how often Angel fought alongside us, and how
he even saved our lives more than once--remember
Eyeghon?--my disaster? As a matter of fact, Angel
saved Jenny life twice as Angel before finally taking
Angelus. I know you probably don't believe this, but
in another life the two of you could have been
friends, good friends. I know he liked you. And
admired you. He once told me that when you brought
Buffy back to life at the Master's, he could have
hugged you. Help us here, please. Don't
Willow: Well, what can we do, Giles? Where can we
research? How can we get someone out of hell? I
mean, that's the BIG question. Can we curse him out
of hell? Can we go in after him?
Giles: I just don't know. I just wish we could talk
to Buffy to see if she had the sense that the
re-souling curse worked. Perhaps our discussion
here is moot. But I would suppose it's easier to get
into hell than to get back out. And, as to whether a
corporeal body can survive in hell--although that's
not exactly what Angel is--has also been the subject
of much debate.
Cordelia: Where's the entrance? (Everyone looks at
her.) What? I can't have a question?
Giles: Yes, of course, you can, Cordelia. I
consider you a member in good standing here, and
that's a very good question. We are on the Hellmouth
here in Sunnydale. There are probably many
entrances, but the only one I recall is in the
Master's Lair from where he almost escaped at the
Harvest. It's supposedly right below where we are
standing, although it is only accessible from a
network of tunnels connected to the Sunnydale storm
sewer system. Now, the Master wasn't IN hell, mind
you, but hell was directly on the other side of the
area in which he was trapped. We are on THIS side.
So, THAT is probably one entrance.
Xander: But there was no other way out of there,
that I remember.
Willow: But didn't you guys say there was water
there . . . I remember that Buffy drowned . . .
almost drowned . . . in the water. Perhaps through
Giles: Yes, yes, Willow. You might be onto
something. The prophesy said the Master was trapped
in a dimension of fluid fabric.
Oz: Then, okay, suppose there's some way to swim
into hell--doesn't sound like something I would do
even in a nightmare--but then once you get in, how do
you get back out?
Giles: Aye, there's the rub. (Everyone looks at him
puzzled.) Oh, sorry, don't they teach Shakespeare
anymore? (He picks up a maroon book with silver-grey
stripes on it and waves it in the air.) From
everything I've ever read on the subject, most of
which is in this book, and I quote (opening the book
to a marker) ah, English for a change, (reading)
Ahem, 'Only one person was ever said to have exited
hell and that person'--forgive the obvious religious
reference if it offends you--'was Jesus Christ.
Without commenting on his possible divine nature, the
ancients and the prophets for that matter, generally
agree in their mystical writings that the historical
Jesus spent exactly three days in hell, the time
between the Crucifixion--after he was sealed in his
tomb--and the Resurrection. Those who reported this
event from a religious standpoint believe that heaven
was not open to mortals before then, and it was
opened to mortals only after Christ had spent those
three days in hell; some believe that he was tortured
THERE unmercifully for those three days and that his
humility, suffering, and sacrifice, spent THERE, in
addition to the agony of the crucifixion, unlocked
the doors of heaven to mere mortals from that time
forward. It has also been postulated that, because
of his unique nature, hell could only hold him for,
at most, three days' (leaving the text) (to Oz) so
that he was, then, as you say, Oz, regurgitated out
Cut to Hank Summer's office.
Buffy is seated opposite his desk. He is on the
phone and he covers the mouthpiece.
Hank: Just a sec, Buffy. Let me take this call and
we'll grab something to eat. (To the phone) Why,
no, Harold, I've never heard of that company.
(pause) What kind of device? (pause) Will record
everything on every cable channel? (pause) Okay. Will record, then, everything that comes across the cable. At the same time? (pause) Sounds fantastic.
(pause) A week's worth? On one cartridge?
While he talks, Buffy is looking around the room.
Her gaze falls on her father's college fencing sword
hanging on the wall. Her mind wanders and replays
the events of the night before, when she sent
Angel to hell. They were fighting fiercely, then he
stopped, hesitated and changed back to Angel. They
kissed. She told him to close his eyes and she
thrust her sword into him. He looked so hurt--not
physically--but so emotionally hurt by her actions,
hurt that she would do such a thing to him. The
memories bring tears to her eyes and they flow freely
down her cheek.
Buffy: (to herself but so surprisingly loud, she
startles herself) Wait! (then aloud to herself but
lower in volume) The curse. Of course, they
reapplied the curse. But . . . (she also remembers
Xander and his words, and she recalls his facial
expression when he said, 'Kick his ass.' This phrase
echoes and echoes in her mind.) (She looks down at
her watch. Then she says out loud to her father)
Dad, can I use the phone?
Hank: (covering his mouthpiece) Dial 9 first.
Cut to Snyder inside the limo.
Snyder: (on his car phone) His financial collapse
is eminent. He can't see it coming but the wheels
will turn over him and grind his world into a fine
powder. LSD will be so pleased. Believe me, Summers
will take any opportunity we give him--and this way
it will be totally believable to everyone else--and
he'll take our meddlesome Slayer out of the picture.
She's in there with him now, just where we thought
she'd run to.
Cut to the commons area outside the
The French-speaking young blonde girl walks along the
sidewalk. In the distance the school entrance can be
seen. She wears a beret and carries a bookbag slung
casually over her shoulder.
Cut to the library.
Giles: (on the phone inside his office. He talks in
an artifically loud voice.) Buffy, so glad to hear
from you. (He lifts the phone set, and the cord is
very long so he pulls the phone outside where he can
place it on a table and face the others.) Yes,
there WAS another cememony.
Xander is seen looking anxious. His eyes dart. He
gets up and paces. Willow notices.
Split screen with Buffy.
Buffy: And so that was definitely my Angel that I
sent to hell?
Giles: Well, YOU tell ME. YOU were there.
Buffy: That was my snookums. And now?
Giles: We were just talking about that. Some way to
extricate or extradite him from hell. So far we're
drawing a blank.
Buffy: Well, beep me if I have to go to hell.
Giles: Of course, the beeper. I completely
Buffy: It's been on. Is Willow there? Can you put
her on the phone please?
Giles: Willow? Yes, she seems to be coming along.
Willow? (Oz wheels Willow over to the phone.)
Willow: Buffy, we were so worried about you. I'm
getting better, thanks for asking.
Buffy: I hope you're okay, sweetie. Sorry, I can't
small chat. The curse. Dish on the curse?
Willow: I guess it worked then. But, sorry. I
didn't mean for things to go so badly.
Buffy: I know. It's not in you. But it did go
badly. Believe me. If I had known Angel might
reappear, I might have been able to close the vortex
without sending him to hell. According to
Whistler--you don't know him but he was a demon I met
who was Mr. Knowledge Guy--all I needed to do to
close the vortex was to get some of Angelus's blood
on the end of my sword. So, but instead of
experimenting and trying various ways to close the
vortex, I was so surprised when my Angel showed up,
that all I could think to do was play kissy-face
smoochies. God, I wish I had that time back. But
the curse? Did you change it?
Willow: Well, sure. I, of course, left out the
happiness clause. Jenny had translated it so I had
all the words in front of me. I wasn't sure the
re-cursing would work anyway, but if it did, I didn't
want you to just go back to square one with your
doomed relationship, so I redacted--that's legal talk
for left out--the twelve words that conditioned the
curse on Angel's being unhappy.
Buffy: You did good, Will. And did Xander know
that you were going to retry the curse?
Willow: Sure. Didn't he tell you? (pause) Oh,
Buffy: (pause) Sure. Sure he told me. (Xander's
words, 'Kick his ass,' 'kick his ass' echo again in
And how about the way you were going to change the
curse? Did he know about that?
Willow: Oh, dear, Buffy. I'm not certain. At some
earlier point I told him I would if I could. Do you
want to ask him?
Buffy: (pause) Yeah, put him on.
Willow holds the phone toward Xander. He gets up and
moves toward the phone. His movements are labored.
He attempts to grab the phone with his broken arm but
then takes it with his left hand.
Cordelia: (yelling) Xander, tell her we'll work on her nails
when she gets back. I'll MAKE the time.
Buffy: Alexander Harris. You are beneath contempt.
Stay away from me if you know what's good for you.
Say 'Yes' if you understand why.
Xander: (choking on his one word) Yes.
Xander: (reaching deep within to dredge up some
additional words) Cordy says . . .
Cut to the hall outside the library.
Oz wheels Willow; Xander and Cordy walk behind.
Willow: (over her shoulder, causing Oz to stop)
Okay, Xander, what gives? What's the matter? Does
your arm feel okay? Surely, you aren't still moping
because we're WASTING time trying to figure out a way
to get Angel back from hell? (She looks around
herself to see
if she said that too loudly.)
Xander: (matter-of-factly) No. I'm fine.
Willow: (whispered to Oz) Something must be wrong.
He just allowed me to call him Shirley.
Willow: Yeah. You know. From Airplane?
The replacement Slayer saunters past and the guys
can't help turning their heads.
Cordelia: Geez, you guys, gawk much? (To Xander)
Call me later. I have to be home tonight for my
mom's birthday. My dad is taking us out to dinner.
(She turns and walks back towards the library.)
Xander: (to her back, faintly) Okay.
When they reach the end of the hall, Xander watches
to see which direction Oz pushes Willow and he goes
by in the other direction with a terse, "Later."
Cut to the library.
Giles is picking some books off the tables and
placing them in a cart. The girl enters the library
and approaches him.
Giles: Yes, can I help you?
French girl: Are zyou monsieur Giles?
Giles: Oui, mademoiselle.
French girl: I am zee new Slayer. I believe zhere
is, how you say, a vay-can-SEE.
Cut to Hank Summer's office.
Hank: And the police believe you had something to do
with this Jamaican girl Kendra's death?
Buffy: Yes, but all they have to do is to interview
Xander, Willow, and Mr. Giles, the librarian, and
THEY will tell them I was nowhere near the place.
Hank: And, but how about your fleeing the other
policeman and--I hope you're kidding or exaggerating--knocking him out?
Buffy: Lucky kick. Pure reflex. Self-defense.
I've been taking kickboxing lessons.
Hank: From a librarian?
Hank: Well, there's something here that I'm not
understanding, or that you're leaving out. But,
let's get your mother on the phone and, at least, let
HER know where you are, and that you're safe. I'll
bet she's worried sick about you.
Cut to the art gallery.
The phone rings and Joyce picks up.
Joyce: Oh, hello, Hank. (pause) She is? Thank
heavens. Thanks, that's very considerate of you,
thinking to let me know. Please put
her on. (pause) Oh, no, Buffy. No, I should be the
one who is sorry. I just didn't understand. I'm
glad you went to your father. I hope you two have a
nice talk; please come back as soon as you can. I
had a nice talk with your Mr. Giles today--I went
over there to give him and your friends hell, only to
find out that you are the S-L-A-Y-E-R. He told me
things. Oh, I'll bet I just sounded like DeNiro. He
told me you were once D-E-A-D. Is that true?
(pause) Oh. (pause) Yes, he's coming over tonight to
fill me in totally. Has he ever been married?
(pause) Oh! (pause) That blue dress? (She crosses
her fingers.) No, I wouldn't think of wearing that
Continuing to listen on the phone, she goes over to a
clothes tree where the blue dress is hanging, freshly
wrapped from the dry cleaners. She smiles to herself
absent-mindedly rips off the ticket.
Cut to the library
Giles: The replacement slayer? I don't understand.
I thought I had already passed along all the
necessary information. Oh, I'm sorry, where's my
manners? Please sit down. (She sits at a desk) And
your Watcher's name is?
Claudia: I am Claudia LeBeaux. [Ed. note: she
pronounces it CLOUD-ee-ah Le-BO] My Watcher is
Phillipe [fill-LEAP] LeMonde. Here's his number. He
is waiting for your call.
Cut to the common's area of the school.
Oz wheels Willow while she talks.
Willow: Oh, yes, I'm feeling much better. But I
think my legs are still a little rubbery. Anyway,
I'm not so well that I'm not greatly improved by your
Oz: We'll just let you take it easy for a while.
Willow raises her hand and Oz stops pushing. She is
looking across the way, and Xander is sitting alone
gazing off into space. Even from that distance, they
can see him sigh. Also, when he turns to the side,
he looks like he has lost his best friend and is
looking for him/her in the clouds.
Oz: Yeah, something's bothering him. Where's
Willow: Cordy has come a long way, but she doesn't
know his rhythms and doesn't realize he's in
Oz: (with a twinge of hurt in his voice) Like you
Willow: Please don't be jealous. See, even YOU can
see he is suddenly conflicted. He's been edgy ever
since Angel went bad; it may have something to do
with a feeling of betrayal with Angel, but I think it
had more to do with his finding out that Buffy and
Angel, well, went beyond smoochies. And then this
noon--talking to Buffy on the phone--I got the
feeling from her that Xander never told Buffy we were
re-applying the curse.
Oz: Why would he hide that?
Willow: Probably because he wanted her to kill Angel
no matter what.
Oz: And you still like this guy? I mean, didn't he
send her into battle for the future of the world
with misleading or incomplete information so she
would kill off his rival. I mean, 'Jealous much?'
And he could have gotten HER killed in the
Willow: Yes, he's human. He loves Buffy, and can't
help himself. He likes her like I liked him before I
met you. But, you know, I grew up with him. In some
ways he was my 'big goyim brother' as he used to call
Oz: But, he's got Cordy. Boy, haven't you guys
learned anything from Dawson's Creek?
Willow: (smiling) Yeah, you'd think we would have.
It's just all so complicated. But, I know, and
Dawson's is a good example, a girl probably
falls in love deeper and sooner and with a guy she
feels comfortable with. A guy, on the other hand, is
more the hunter and any girl he's grown up with tends
to blend into the woodwork and he thinks of her as
maybe part of himself, so he needs to go outside
himself to hunt for a mate. Psychobabbling?
Oz: I like psychobabbling. I think what you said is
very perceptive and, kind of, summarizes a lot of
diverse concepts I've read about. I very much like
the way you think and the way you look and I don't
want to see you endanger yourself anymore like you
did with that spell thingy. (He bends down and
kisses her sharply on the mouth.) And if you like,
I'll reserve judgement on our friend Xander. For you
to defend him so ardently leads me to believe he's
not a total creep.
Willow: He's not. You know how he's a regular
chatterbox most of the time, with a seemingly endless
supply of smart aleck remarks, most of which--I say
most--are pretty funny? If you want to know the
truth I think he spends a lot of time dreaming them
up, so he can have something to say, so he can
project outward rather than inward. Inward, for him,
is trouble. You see, and I've never told anyone in
our group this, but I can remember a scary, scary
time when Xander was a strange, silent, almost
autistic little boy. For almost two years, around
the time we were in first and second grade, he
wouldn't talk. Nothing. I don't know enough of the
facts, but I do know he suffered some deep,
psychological damage as a child. I know he was part
of the McAllister Daycare Center thing. Did you ever
hear of that? It was in the papers at the time.
Oz: McAllister? McAllister? No. What was that about?
Willow: I don't know exactly. Out of respect for
him, I've never gone back and read the old newspaper
accounts. I think he wants to forget it. I DO know
it affected him, though. He still retains a certain
fear of clowns--you know?--made up clowns? I guess
one of the men at the daycare center used to dress up
like a clown--Giggles The Clown--and he used to hurt
the children or something. Xander was so traumatized
by the whole incident that he may have even, and
don't quote me on this, been a danger to himself at
one point. I remember one time when they rushed him to the
hospital. So, maybe he overcompensates now, but I'd
much rather see him as Mr. Jabberwocky than as that
silent little boy. Cause when he goes silent, like
now, it scares me.
Oz: You mean, like he tried . . . (he makes like to
cut his wrists)(Willow shrugs) Wow! Okay, wow.
Okay, we'll watch him. I don't think we have
anything to worry about though. He always seems
pretty self-assured to me. Maybe too tightly
wrapped, though. Say (he remembers to ask) who is
this Shirley person you were talking about
Willow: Shirley? Shirley? Oh, Shirley? (in a
Yiddish accent) You don't know from Shirley? (Oz
shakes his head) The movie Airplane?
Oz: Never saw it.
Willow: Oh, good. We'll rent it and watch it
together sometime. Shirley is a running stupid joke
in the movie--so silly that you have to laugh.
Leslie Nielsen is playing this doctor on the
Airplane and someone says something to him like,
'Surely you're not suggesting that blah, blah, blah'
and he says, 'Yes, I am suggesting so and so, and
don't call me Shirley.' (Oz doesn't seem to get it.)
See, he mistakes surely with Shirley. (Oz smiles.)
Well, it's really funny when Leslie Nielsen says it.
Anyway, unless something is seriously wrong with
Xander, you normally can't say surely around him
without getting a "Don't call me Shirley" right back.
He let one slide right past him and that's another reason I'm concerned about him.
Xander continues to gaze off into the distance. Then
he gets up and shuffles away.
Cut to the library.
Giles: (to Claudia) Okay, I'm certain you heard while I explained
to your Watcher, LeMonde: we already have THEE
and so you as THEE Slayer are redundant. Kendra was
called--activated--when Buffy was technically dead;
but Buffy was revived by our Xander. I can't help
but feel that Kendra subsequently weakened and faded
into the background as Buffy fully recovered. The
Power has always been channeled to the sanctioned
Slayer. And as I can attest, from recent bruises
incurred while training her, Buffy has lost none of
her strength and abilities. So, you cannot possibly
be the incumbent Slayer, Claudia.
Claudia: But I am, Monsieur Giles. Do you want to
receive some bruises from me? Three days ago, I
received an incredible infusion of strength. LeMonde
verified zeese with Mr. Zabuto--that it was right
after zee time Kendra died. So, LeMonde sent me to
zee Hellmouth as soon as he thought I would be needed
here. Thus, if, as you suggest, zee Power goes to
zee Real Slayer, then I suspect that it is zeese
Buffy person who will now lose her strength. How
about it, want to put me through my paces?
She goes over to Buffy's training area and jumps way
high up and kicks a speed bag with one foot and,
before coming down, kicks it again with the other
foot. Her beret comes off in the process. Once
down, then, she pummels a heavy bag with such
viciousness that one of her fists ultimately goes
through the canvas and it begins to leak sawdust.
Giles: No thanks, I can see you're in tip-top shape.
I just don't think you are in Slayer shape.
She picks up her beret and her bag and walks back
toward the tables.
Claudia: And, so, how could I prove it to you?
Giles: Difficult. Hard to prove a negative. The
only way to verify it, I suppose, would be if Buffy
lost her powers.
Claudia: Well, then, she will. But that may take
time. Do you mind if I stay close for a while?
Giles: No, indeed. Buffy is currently away for a
while and I, for one, would certainly welcome your
assistance in filling in while she's away. We don't
believe there's any immediate threat in the area
right now, but Vampire activity at the Hellmouth is
an ongoing, unpredictable problem.
Claudia: Then, eet is settled. And if I'm
ultimately not needed, then at least I will have seen
some frontline action.
Giles: Commendable attitude, Claudia.
Claudia: By the way (with her left hand she replaces
her beret on her head and with her right hand she
puts her knapsack down on the same table that Joyce
had used earlier, but when her hand comes in contact
with the spilt holy water, she jerks it away in pain
and deftly hides her reaction from Giles by turning
away; her hand smokes briefly, though, and at the
same time something moves under her beret and then in
two places the felt cap can be seen protruding
[horns] for a second and then it returns to normal
again) (her voice recovering) I'd like to meet theese
person who brought the Slayer back to life. He must
be a good person to have at your back.
Giles: That would be our Xander. Yes, he's a
valuable ally. He's around. You probably will get
to meet him after school. Usually the gang drops in
She looks mysteriously pleased at the prospect.
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